I Should Have Killed You
by numbuh-14000
Summary: Seven years after "Amok Time" Spock is in Pon Farr again. He hasn't told Jim yet and has started to avoid him. Jim is determined to find out why. Will the Captains finding be too much for him? K/S


"**I Should Have Killed You"**

**Chapter One**

Spock laid against the headboard of his bed, gently stroking the cat that lay, purring in his lap. Normally, he would be working on a bio-brief of the next planet they were to visit, which was to be given to the Captain by tomorrow at noon. The Vulcan would've had it done to hand in, in the morning by now if it weren't for his mind being occupied by other things. Unfortunately, it was that time again. 7 years had passed since Spock's last Pon Farr and he was beginning to feel the effects of the dreaded mating ritual. He had been slightly off at his station for the last few days, not that anyone would have noticed, and it was becoming obvious that he would have to confront the Captain about shore leave on Vulcan in some time. But, as usual, Spock was avoiding the personal matter. In fact, he had been avoiding the Captain completely since the effects of Pon Farr had begun. The memory and fear of what had happened to his friend during the last cycle had kept him far away from James Kirk. It was too risk filled… and painful, for Spock to spend too much time with his human friend.

Spock closed his eyes for moment, remembering the pain he had felt after his supposed murder of Jim. The horror he felt had been immense and if it weren't for his Vulcan control, it certainly would have shown a great deal on his face. Not only the loss of his best friend, but the loss of a potential mate had practically crippled the Vulcan. Spock gulped, remembering his feelings for his Captain and tried to push them away, but in the emotional vulnerability of Pon Farr, he eventually gave way and allowed the feelings he felt for Jim into his mind.

It had started at the beginning of Spock and Jim's assignment to the Enterprise. The Enterprise's Medical Staff had been instructed to perform a thorough exam on each crew member on board. Spock had arrived slightly early for his appointment at Sick Bay and had taken a seat across from one of the exam rooms. Bored, he had glanced through the exam room's window, to find himself staring at a blond haired man, removing his pants. Unable to look away, the Vulcan's cheeks grew ever so warm as the clothing was stripped off and tossed to the floor. He hadn't been able to help himself but look the man over, fighting to keep a small smile from creeping onto his lips. It wasn't until Dr. McCoy opened the door to the exam room in order to grab a chart being processed near by, that Spock was able to look away.

"I'll see you right after Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock" Dr. McCoy had murmured to Spock while looking over the chart.

"That is the Captain?" Spock had asked.

McCoy nodded, "Yeah. He's got a rather large ego. Watch out, Mr. Spock" Spock had quickly noted that an ego wasn't the only rather large thing the Captain had. It was from there that his attraction, and perhaps even love, of Jim had grown. The many missions had brought them closer and it wasn't long before Spock had begun to have trouble with his human emotions while around the Captain.

A soft warmth grew in Spock's lower area and he sighed, closing his eyes and willing it to go away.

"It is neither logical nor fair for him to have such an effect on my emotions. As a Vulcan, I should be able to restrain these feelings"

"What feelings?" a voice asked from the now open doorway.

Spock looked up, lifting an eyebrow, "It would polite if you were to knock, Captain" he said, standing. He hoped that the small bump in his pants was not noticeable, but Jim didn't seem to care either way.

"Sorry. I didn't think." he murmured, not looking Spock in the eye. Spock raised his eyebrow a little but said nothing about the Captain's mood. "Though you didn't answer my question. What feelings, Spock? For who?" he asked, seeming to break out of whatever mood he was in and grinning at Spock with curiousity.

"It is not important" Spock blushed slightly, a small green tint lighting up his face.

"Oh come now. I won't tell anyone. Who is she?" he asked, walking closer to Spock.

Spock considered Jim's question for a moment, " Captain, this is a most unprofessional conversation. I-"  
"Call me Jim, Spock. We're off duty right now." Jim said, smiling.

Spock nodded, "What was your reason for coming to my room, C-Jim?"

"You didn't answer my question"

"I don't intend to" Spock stated simply. Jim chuckled and nodded.

"I wanted to ask you if you're feeling alright, Spock. You've barely talked to me for two weeks. Is everything ok?" the smiled disappeared from Jim's face replaced by a concerning look. Spock paused, for a moment, trying to come up with a suitable excuse.

"I'm simply busy, Jim" he murmured, walking to his desk and sitting down, "I will have that bio-brief to you by-"

"Spock" Jim interrupted, "Did I do something to hurt you?" he asked.

Spock took a moment in replying but finally murmured, "Yes" making Jim blink in confusion.

"Why didn't you tell me what I had done then? You have always been honest with me, Spock, what did I do?" he asked, putting his hand on his First Officer's shoulder. Spock flinched slightly and turned to look at Jim.

"You've-" Spock began before a whistle sounded and Jim was called up to the bridge.

"On my way, Mr. Sulu." He said into in communicator and looked up at Spock, "We'll continue this conversation later, Spock"

"Yes, Captain"

"I thought I told you not to call me-"

"We are not off duty anymore, Captain" Spock said, his eyes slightly cold.


End file.
